Final exams

The calm of the first semester had finally drawn to a close, and that could only mean one thing: final exams were upon them.

At Deer Academy, a school where pragmatism reigned above all else, final exams were never just a stack of test papers. Every instructor would assign a practical assessment that counted for the majority of the grade. In the Arcane Arts program, for instance, the exam might involve a half-hour long-distance call with a visitor from Hell. The teacher would grade students based on their state after the call: those who fainted or suffered a mental breakdown would naturally fail; those who remained lucid and coherent would receive a good mark; and if you could hang up, humming a tune, and dial again for a second conversation, no teacher would begrudge you an excellent.

Students in the Ancient Languages department, meanwhile, might get the chance to travel. As far as Ji Ning knew, Aphra’s exam involved translating inscriptions on a remote Pacific island. Ji Ning had even received a postcard showing Aphra, sunglasses on and sunhat perched jauntily, striking a pose against a backdrop of soaring seagulls and endless blue sky. Ji Ning could not help but feel a pang of envy.

"Meet me this afternoon in B-901. Bring your weapons case. I’ve decided to do the joint assessment with Professor Theodosius." Sylvia’s message flashed in Ji Ning’s inbox. He sighed and turned to start packing.

"Why are you sighing? Why engage in such emotional displays?" The voice of SCP-CN-655 drifted out, like a little bee buzzing in the room, startling one when least expected. You knew it wouldn’t sting out of the blue, but still, you’d open the window a little wider.

"Could you not speak up out of nowhere? You startled me so much I picked the wrong caliber of bullets. Next time, give me a warning." Ji Ning squinted against the sunlight, sorting through bullets; the golden casings caught the light so brilliantly his eyes began to sting.

"I sense something unusual in your behavior?" SCP-CN-655 was unsure if it had chosen the right words. This was its first time initiating a conversation with Ji Ning, but Ji Ning didn’t dwell on it. He’d always thought of the entity as a cat: if you didn’t bother it, it wouldn’t bother you. Ji Ning knew it was learning about humanity, but he wasn’t one for speciesist thinking. He owed his escape from that wretched Foundation prison to SCP-CN-655; that made it his friend.

Ji Ning treated friends with both kindness and respect. He guessed that the reason SCP-CN-655 could only speak to him for five minutes a day was perhaps due to weakness, like those alien visitors in old films, enduring alien physics or the Foundation’s controls. So Ji Ning curbed his curiosity and didn’t seek out conversation unless necessary, hoping SCP-CN-655 would recover all the sooner.

After the incident with the great demon hound, Ji Ning had learned that SCP-CN-655 sometimes watched him in silence. That made it all the more baffling: after living with him for so long, had it still not picked up a bit of human sensibility?

“My tragic career at Deer Academy is about to face final exams. How can I not be anxious?” Ji Ning muttered as he polished a pitifully small dagger, thinking with malice that one day he’d best Sylvia and claim her Damascus blade as his own. He’d coveted that patterned, enchanted blade for ages. When Sylvia lay defeated, staring up helplessly, he would toss her the little knife and say with swagger, “You’re so weak—better start with the small one. Biggest risk is a nick on your pinky.” He swore he would get every word right.

This fantasy had played out in full detail in his mind’s eye since the first cold weapons lesson. He was determined to make Sylvia pay for her teaching that day, and if possible, to add, “Master, you taught me too well—heh heh heh...” He’d have to laugh like a true final boss. When Sylvia was at her lowest, he’d let her off gently, to show what a magnanimous fellow he was.

Pleasant fantasies are always brief; SCP-CN-655 soon shattered his unrealistic dreams.

"Exams are also a means of promoting learning. You can learn alongside them—is that not a good thing? Those two possess combat skills that are legendary among your kind." SCP-CN-655 spoke with careful deliberation, its cadence like a child just learning to speak; Ji Ning thought the sentiment was just as naive.

“Are you stupid? With their usual teaching methods, you think I can enjoy learning? As for the exam, with their personalities, I wouldn’t be surprised if they made me go preach vegetarianism at the headquarters of the Flesh Cult. I’ve even imagined the grading rubric: come back with all your parts, that’s an A; missing a limb or two, that’s a B; paralyzed for life, that’s a C; I’d probably get a D.” Ji Ning sighed, wondering if he should just cling to Professor Theodosius’s leg and beg for mercy. No, better cling to Sylvia’s—if he was going to be kicked like a dog, why not choose a long and shapely leg?

SCP-CN-655 fell silent. Ji Ning couldn’t understand it, and it couldn’t understand him; interspecies communication was possible, but across dimensions, perhaps not.

When Ji Ning arrived at B-901, both professors were already waiting. Sylvia stood in the classroom, arms crossed, smiling at him; Theodosius was polishing his M500 revolver, and at the sight of Ji Ning, gave what he thought was a friendly grin, but looked more like a mobster extorting protection money.

“Good, you finally made it,” Theodosius said, tossing a file folder from the table behind him.

Ji Ning caught it and tore it open. Only a few thin sheets inside, and his alarm bells rang. Deer Academy Student Code Rule Six: the less intel, the higher the risk.

"This is a commission Professor Theodosius and I found in the Foundation’s archives. After discussion, we decided this would be your final exam.”

“Dearest Sylvia, is it a difficult task?”

Sylvia’s smile didn’t falter. “As long as you’ve mastered what we taught you, it should be easy.”

“And if I haven’t?”

Theodosius chuckled. “Then next semester, Sylvia and I may have one less student.”

Ji Ning grumbled, “Can’t we change it? Sounds like I’m being sent to save the world.”

Grumblings aside, he began reading the dossier. He knew better than to think smooth talk would sway his teachers after a semester of hard work.

“In operation [REDACTED], we successfully thwarted the [REDACTED] Church’s awakening ritual, but the ritual medium, the Ring of [REDACTED], was lost in a temporal-spatial anomaly. Based on [REDACTED]’s calculations, we estimate its location as follows…”

“Why are there missing data and blacked-out text?” Ji Ning shook the dossier in annoyance.

“You don’t have clearance, that’s all. Don’t worry, it won’t affect your mission.” Theodosius spread his hands nonchalantly. The Foundation types loved to redact things—no file without a dozen access levels.

“Oh, isn’t this China?” Ji Ning recognized the map at once. His professors really did care about him.

“There was another mission in Siberia. I almost sent you there, to see how you’d handle weapons maintenance in extreme weather.” Theodosius patted Ji Ning’s shoulder with mock regret.

“Sylvia, your care for students is second only to your beauty. I declare you the most beautiful woman in the world.” Ji Ning shot a look at the fearsome Theodosius, then turned and lavished praise on Sylvia. Thank goodness at least one of his professors was lovely and kind.

Sylvia waved him off. “If your combat skills were half as sharp as your tongue, we’d have no worries about your grades.”

“So my final exam is just to find that ring?”

“That’s right. Bring it back, and you’ll get an A.”

“That sounds easy,” Ji Ning thought. It was far less than the do-or-die ordeal he’d imagined. If things went south, he could just treat it as a vacation; worst case, he’d come back and shamelessly beg Sylvia for a different assignment. She’d beat him half to death, then, out of exasperation, help him switch.

“Don’t underestimate it.” Sylvia fixed him with a serious look. “Be careful.”

Ji Ning nodded, picked up the dossier, and took his leave.

Once he’d disappeared around the corner, Sylvia murmured, “Is this a bit much?”

“When I was his age, I was a mercenary in the jungles of Myanmar. Relax—it’s only some mad cultists worshipping Yidhra. If the kid can’t handle them, there’s no point in continuing his training.” Theodosius stopped spinning his revolver’s cylinder and clapped Sylvia on the shoulder. “Trust him. If he can’t find the ring, he’ll at least sneak back and beg you for a pass.” Truly, only men understood men.

After Ji Ning left, Sylvia fell silent, her gaze icy as she stared at Theodosius’s hand on her shoulder until he withdrew it, grinning sheepishly. “Force of habit, force of habit.”

Sylvia shot him a look. “This isn’t Italy. You won’t find any romantic, passionate girls here.”

Theodosius, well into his forties and convinced he was at his most charming, swallowed the invitation he’d been about to extend—drinks at the bar. The Valkyrie of Deer Academy was famous for far more than her looks.

Returning to that ancient land, Ji Ning felt a deep tranquility well up from within. He smiled.

Loaded with bags, he exited the airport, hailed a taxi, and handed the driver a slip of paper with the address. He gazed out the window, lost in thought.

Though he had never been to this city before, the familiar blocky script and crowds of black-haired people brought the taste of home.

At the hotel, Ji Ning surveyed the luxurious room and grinned. "Sylvia is not only generous but treats me so well—so much better than the bald old man. Tonight, I’ll enjoy the life of a top hotel guest." Far across the ocean, Theodosius touched his bald head, thinking, The kid should have reached the hotel I booked for him by now.

Ji Ning thought for a moment, then made a call. “Hello, Sylvia? I’ve arrived. Oh, the locker downstairs? Okay, I’ll be careful. Bye.” He grabbed a bottle of red wine from the minibar, took a sip, grimaced at the taste, and spat it out. He looked up the label on his phone, saw the price, took another sip, swished it around, and spat it out again. So this was the life of the rich—every cell in his body felt so comfortable he almost wanted to cry out.

He didn’t bother going downstairs. He planned to nap first. As for the locker? This was China. Even Professor Theodosius would be stuck with a kitchen knife here; whatever gun he’d arranged would go back to Deer Academy the way it came—none of Ji Ning’s concern.

When he woke, the day was already half gone. He yawned, washed up, and while brushing his teeth, mapped out the day.

Breakfast first. Then sightseeing. Lunch at some local joint—Old Wang’s Home Cooking or the like. Shopping in the afternoon. In the evening, maybe try dancing with the neighborhood ladies, then back to bed.

“Shouldn’t you be gathering intel?” SCP-CN-655’s voice crept in.

“Who does their homework the first day of vacation?” Ji Ning hummed a tune, unconcerned by SCP-CN-655’s sudden presence.

“But this isn’t a holiday. This is an exam.” SCP-CN-655 sounded confused.

“Fine, fine. Just one day of fun.” Ji Ning kneaded his face, annoyed at how SCP-CN-655 ruined the mood. How was he supposed to bring up his plan to sneak into the women’s bathhouse now?

He considered going to a bar that night for a bit of fun—maybe meet a woman who’d kindly relieve him of his virginity. That would be perfect. At Deer Academy, death was an uninvited old friend who might knock at any time; one needed comfort, and nothing was warmer than a woman’s embrace.

After dancing in the square, Ji Ning chatted amiably with the lead dancer and politely declined her offer to introduce him to her niece. Stretching contentedly, he ambled back toward the hotel, everything as it should be—except for the insistent beeping of his watch.

Strictly speaking, it wasn’t a watch but a portable signal detector. Ji Ning never bothered with its full academic name. He just knew that this device, disguised as a watch, had one purpose: to detect the ring, beeping louder as he drew near.

“Aren’t you going to check it out?” SCP-CN-655, ever the child who pointed out the emperor’s new clothes, shattered Ji Ning’s hope of ignoring the noise and heading to bed.

After walking a bit, Ji Ning confirmed the signal came from a shopping mall. Did the cultists moonlight as jewelers, he wondered, with the ring as the store’s treasure? Time to test the limits of his black card—if money could solve it, then it wasn’t a problem.

Lost in idle speculation, Ji Ning slipped into the closed mall. The empty halls were bathed in silence as he moved across the gleaming marble floors. The moment he stepped inside, the beeping stopped. Besides his own footsteps, there was nothing.

He did not fear the quiet; on the contrary, it brought a rare peace. In such moments, in such a place, the entire mall seemed to belong to him alone. He settled into one of the ubiquitous massage chairs, like a middle-aged man parking his car in the garage after work and letting his mind drift in the stillness. The SCP Foundation, Nobody, Deer Academy—these names faded away. He no longer yearned for the past or doubted the future; his unfocused eyes saw only the silence of the long night.

This rare tranquility should have lasted, had he not realized he was not alone in the mall.